Broken
by Mischel
Summary: There was a battle. And Gaius didn't make it. When Merlin returns to their chambers, he soon realizes that he can't stay. At least not for the night. And there's only one person who's not sleeping yet and is willing to calm Merlin down and help. Arthur. - short oneshot, bromance (but can be Merthur)


**I was going through my old fanfiction diary and found a few ideas, this one among them. It's a classic H/C fic which I haven't written in a long time. I hope you'll like it then! It's (probably) supposed to be a bromance, but to be honest it could be Merthur as well if you want (there's no kiss though). I don't really care as long as they care about each other, which they do (a lot). So although I ship Merthur like nothing else and it's my OTP of all OTPs, you can choose how you want to read this fanfic yourself :D Oh and** **English isn't my first language, but I hope that's okay. :)**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin.**

 **BROKEN**

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They fought and they won. With another battle, the war had finally ended and Camelot stood proud and unconquered, the Pendragon banners still on the walls. The battlefield had been enormous, but in the end, Arthur walked away victorious, the true king of Camelot. Merlin walked away... broken.

They fought and won. It sounded so simple. And yet there were people who fought and didn't live long enough to see the end, to go back home because they lost or to celebrate their victory, to tend to the wounded and take care of the dead.

Gaius was one of those people.

And Merlin felt that empty hole inside him with every breath and every step closer to Gaius' chambers.

It felt wrong when he entered their rooms.

The window was open, the books scattered across the floor - some of them open with pages ripped out and lying all around the room, some of them closed. Potions were spilt on the benches and some of them survived and stayed where Gaius had so carefully put them. Where Merlin had put them under Gaius' guidance.

Every breath felt like a burden. Because looking at the empty chambers, with the cold wind from the window making him aware of the tears on his cheeks and moving the pages of some of the books, all clouded in the darkness of the night... was _living_ in the world without Gaius, his mentor and father figure.

Merlin had to close his eyes. He was still only one step into the room, but his feet were as if glued to the floor. He couldn't move at all. Because this was his world now. A world without Gaius in it, without his constant support and good-natured scolding.

And as he closed his eyes and tried to keep his tears at bay, he realized that not seeing was better. If he just kept his eyes closed for the rest of his life... but there'd always be something missing.

Gaius and his soft snoring in the night.

Merlin opened his eyes and ran out of the room, slamming the door behind him shut and sliding down the wall until his knees hit his chin.

He couldn't do it. He just _couldn't._ There was no way he was staying in the chambers, not after everything that happened that day, not after he held Gaius' body in his shaking arms... the same arms and hands he was staring at right now. They were still shaking. He couldn't stop it, not even with all of his magic, he couldn't save Gaius.

" _It's okay,"_ Gaius had whispered just moments before he died. They hadn't expected them to attack the infirmary, but before Merlin could get there... it had already been too late. " _One day..."_ Gaius had smiled up at him as Merlin sobbed, " _one day he'll see what you've done for him. He'll understand. And you'll be a great warlock... You... you already are."_ Those had been Gaius' last words.

" _Gaius-"_ Merlin had whispered and then screamed, but no one listened. Not when they had to fight.

Merlin let his head hit the wall behind him as he looked up. He heard Gaius' voice in his head like an echo. It wouldn't leave him. And it would haunt him for a long time until eventually, he'd forget what his voice sounded like altogether.

And Merlin wasn't sure if he could last that long without Gaius by his side.

xoXÖXox

It's been a long day. And honestly, Arthur was lucky to only receive scratches in the battle and no serious injuries because if he had... he'd have to find a new physician. And that was too soon, way too soon after... well, _everything._ He couldn't even imagine what Merlin was going through. Of course, Arthur has lost his father too, so he knew what that felt like... but he didn't share his rooms with him...

He couldn't stop thinking about what Merlin was doing. Probably cleaning up - Gaius' chambers had become a place for the battle too. Two or three enemy soldiers had sneaked inside the castle and it took a while until Sir Leon found them and together with other knights defeated them. But not without losses and damage.

Arthur sighed as he shifted on the chair. He could go and help Merlin with the cleaning. No, he should _definitely_ do that. But given how exhausted Merlin had looked earlier, he hoped the boy was already asleep. It was late after all and Arthur should have been in bed by now, but he didn't even glance at it.

His chambers were not damaged. In fact, they were in much better shape than usual, and that was only because Merlin had cleaned them up before the unexpected battle began and Arthur was in the room with him, so he made sure Merlin didn't skip anything seemingly unimportant as he so often liked to do and thought Arthur never noticed. It made Arthur smile when he thought about that. Merlin was grumpy all day, that was true, but... he was still _Merlin_. And now?

When Arthur found his best friend in the infirmary, rocking on the floor with Gaius' body in his arms, it broke his heart. And when he helped Merlin get up and led him away from all of that, he looked... distant. As if his mind was somewhere else and he didn't even pay attention to his surroundings anymore. And that worried Arthur more than anything.

Arthur closed his eyes and rubbed them with his fingers. It wasn't his first battle, but he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep. He never could right after he fought. No matter how exhausted he was, every time he closed his eyes, he saw all the men he had to kill.

The knock on the door took Arthur by surprise. He raised his head and cleared his throat, "come in," he said. Who could it be this late?

The door opened and Merlin slowly took a step inside, staying in the open door as if unsure if he should continue. He didn't talk, but his mouth opened and closed.

"Merlin?" Arthur asked, standing up. "Come in," he encouraged him with his hand and Merlin nodded and closed the door.

"Arthur?" Merlin whispered and his voice was so weak that it made Arthur want to hurt anything that made Merlin talk like that. But he couldn't defeat grief. "Do you... would you mind if I..." Merlin swallowed as he finally looked up at his king. "Can I stay the night?" He finally asked. "The... his chambers... it's-"

"It's okay," Arthur assured him as he took another step closer. He could clearly see what Merlin was talking about and where the problem was. Gaius was... gone. And his chambers were too empty and different. He understood why Merlin couldn't stay there.

"Thank you." Merlin nodded. When a tear rolled down his face, he quickly wiped it away with his fingers.

"You can use the bed," Arthur found himself saying. He didn't give that idea a proper thought, but one look at Merlin and he knew the boy needed some sleep. If only to escape from the nightmare of a reality he was trapped in. And Arthur wasn't sleeping that night anyway, so why shouldn't Merlin be allowed a soft bed?

As soon as Arthur offered his bed, Merlin raised his head and looked at him as if he couldn't believe what he was hearingBut all he managed was a weak nod and a barely audible _thank you_ as he slowly walked over to the bed. Arthur watched sadly as Merlin sat down on the edge, removing his shoes.

It really was heartbreaking to see Merlin like that. He looked almost lifeless, even when his hands worked and his bent back was slowly rising up and down with his every breath. But then he was done and with one last look at Arthur and a weak smile that must have taken him a lot of effort, he fell into the bed and Arthur's soft covers. He put the blanket over him and hid his head from Arthur's view.

Arthur sighed and sat down back to his table. He'd known Gaius even longer than Merlin had. But their relationship was never this strong. He was like an uncle to Arthur. Someone he admired most of the time, but sometimes didn't listen to. He felt his eyes prickle when he thought about the old man. He was there when Arthur was born, and even before that with Uther. He didn't deserve to be killed while doing his job. But what happened, happened. And there was no going back.

Arthur once told Merlin that no man was worth his tears. But he knew that Gaius was. And when he glanced at Merlin and saw his shoulders shaking with silent sobs that he tried to hide, he knew he had to do more than just offer his bed to him.

"Merlin?" He sighed as he stood up again and went over to the bed. He carefully sat down next to Merlin so he could see his face, but Merlin looked down, refusing to let him know in what state he was. "It's alright, I know what you're going through." He tried.

"He's gone," Merlin mumbled, without looking up at him. "I can't believe he's gone." He added quietly. Arthur almost couldn't hear him, but then Merlin finally looked up at him and wiped his eyes with his both hands. Then he slowly sat up and smiled awkwardly. "I'm okay." He whispered and then cleared his throat.

"You can't lie to me, you know that," Arthur told him. The way Merlin looked at him then was hard to read, but it was gone in a second and replaced with Merlin's hands that covered his face. "But you will be," Arthur added. "You'll be okay."

He hesitantly put his hand on Merlin's shoulder and squeezed. They've never been this close and certainly not when Merlin was this emotional. But he remembered well how he found Merlin outside the door, waiting for him the whole night. He was there for him to support him after Uther died, and now he wanted to give his support to Merlin, who needed it far more than him right now.

He pulled Merlin closer by his shoulder until their chests touched. Merlin removed his hands from his face and wrapped them around Arthur's back instead, finally letting go and sobbing like a baby as Arthur squeezed him as much as he could, both with his hands and his chin on Merlin's shoulder. He used his second hand to touch Merlin's head and smiled when Merlin whispered a very quiet "thank you," for the third time that day.

"Don't mention it." Arthur smiled. Merlin only squeezed him tighter and tried to take deep breaths to calm down. "No, I mean it. Don't mention it. Breathe a word of this to anyone and we'll have a problem." Arthur joked and smiled when he heard and felt Merlin laugh softly.

They both needed this embrace, this closeness. It served as a distraction from the cruel reality out there where people they considered family died. But they were still both alive, and that was what was important. Their breaths and still beating hearts that were closer than ever before. So close that Arthur knew he wasn't leaving the bed until morning.

And for once, he didn't mind at all.

*THE END*

 **Well, I hope you enjoyed the fanfic! I'm sorry if there were any grammar mistakes, but please let me know what you think! Thanks for reading! :)**


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